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Control is comforting. Until it quietly becomes a cage.

​What if control isn’t the opposite of chaos…but the opposite of trust?

Ultimately, the end goal of productivity is important, and it’s not productivity for its own sake. Its purpose, at least in my life, is to cultivate space for the beautiful things that make me feel more connected to life, in tune with myself, and connecting with others. It’s about aligning my actions with who I desire to be. Not to be productive for productivity’s sake.

But how is this achieved when I can be so inconsistent? (Thanks ADHD!) From my experience, it’s a balance. Of the chaotic & the organized. The novel & mundane. The desired & the necessary.

​We Learn That Control Keeps Us Safe

It annoys me to start with structure with everything, including this article. Structure has always provided a safety net. ‘If I do it the right way, how can I fail? It doesn’t say anything about me if I do, but the structure.’ Yet, that same structure keeps me stuck. I’ve spent time researching & planning out the RIGHT way to do things. Only to end up no closer & sometimes further away from my goal. I seek out structure as a sense of control.

control = safety

But sometimes it’s limiting & a hindrance.

I’ve been learning about this idea of ‘creative destruction’ (Sharma, R. (2024). What went wrong with capitalism) in relation to economic success. Here’s my rough explanation of ‘creative destruction’: The idea speaks to the creative chaos that weeds out weaker businesses unable to adapt to the changing economic environment, allowing the strongest entities to grow. However, when governing agencies seek stability and are nervous about tipping the scales too far, they use methods to control it. But when you seek to control creative destruction, the balance is thrown off & the system falls apart completely. And the scales can tip towards the direction they are avoiding.

Structure is like that for me. A method of control that only leads me closer to the outcome I’m avoiding. But if that’s the case, can I let chaos ensue? How can I give creativity the freedom it needs? I think I’m still figuring that out. But I think it starts with giving chaos its space.

Things that have helped me …

1. Messy Bullet Journal

My journaling process has gone through a transformation over time. In the beginning, I relied heavily on organization and rigid structure, especially using the bullet journal method. I thought that having everything mapped out in neat with specific layouts would force me to do the things I wanted and needed to do. It gave me a sense of control and safety, but it was also limiting.

So, I experimented with other organization systems, trying on different levels of structure, only to find that many of them didn’t actually serve me.

When I started removing overly specific layouts and letting go of the pressure to make everything perfect, I discovered more freedom in my journaling. I gave myself permission to get messy, to cross things out, to make mistakes, and to adapt my system as I went.

This period of creative experimentation helped me realize what worked and what didn’t. After stepping away from the bullet journal for a month or so, I returned with a new perspective. I no longer needed it to be super neat or to correct every minor mistake. Instead, my journaling became a tool, not just a detailed display off all the things I have yet to accomplish.

2. Just starting

My journey with Zettelkasten mirrored my earlier struggles with journaling. At first, I obsessed over getting the system RIGHT. Reading guides, watching tutorials, and worrying that I’d ruin it before I even began. The fear of messing up or not being perfectly organized made me hesitate for a long time.

But just starting and taking that first imperfect step, that was what finally helped me get over that initial hurdle. Eventually, I realized that waiting for perfection was holding me back. I allowed myself to start simple, embracing the idea that it didn’t have to be flawless from the beginning. As I gave myself permission to experiment and make mistakes, the process became more approachable and enjoyable. I could see which methods worked for me and which didn’t, adapting the system to fit my needs over time rather than forcing myself into a rigid mold.

Of course, just starting is often easier said than done. Interstitial journaling (a new favorite method of mine) has helped me lean into the process of just starting by mindfully capturing the barriers to starting and deciding the next small step. That, along with a simple to-do list, has done wonders to overcome hesitation and keep moving forward, even when motivation or confidence wavers.

3. Leave the structure behind

Yes, leave the structure behind. Sometimes, the most freeing and productive work comes from letting go of the need to organize everything before beginning.

This article is a great example: I started with pure freewriting. I just let my thoughts flow onto the page without worrying about how it would fit into a final structure. Only after I had something tangible did I go back and shape it into something more organized. By reversing the order (starting with creative chaos and then imposing structure), I found it much easier to begin and to keep momentum.

That said, my process isn’t always the same. Sometimes, I need a bit more scaffolding or a loose outline to get the creative juices flowing. Other times, I benefit from abandoning structure completely and seeing where my thoughts take me. But I often find, as someone who has frequently clung to structure to avoid making mistakes, that abandoning it is the best way to get started.

The key is being flexible and allowing myself to adapt my approach as needed, rather than rigidly sticking to one way of doing things.

Control Is Helpful…Until It Isn’t

Sometimes progress and creativity happen when you let go of the need to do things “the right way.”

These small acts of letting go, of structure, control, and the need to be perfect, have made a difference in my journaling. But what about the bigger things? What about building a creative career when so much feels out of my control? I find myself asking: is waiting for the perfect moment really the most responsible thing, or is it just another way to let fear call the shots? That’s what I explored in the first part of this series.

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The Blank Thought

We spend a lot of time asking, “How do I become more disciplined?” I wonder if a better question is: How can I build systems that help me trust myself instead of control myself?

— Ryn Elizabeth

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This is part of a series on letting go of perfection and embracing creative risk. Start from the beginning here.

Maybe the scariest outcome isn’t taking the risk. Maybe it’s waiting forever to feel safe enough to take it.

It can never feel like the right time to take risks and pursue the life you desire. What if you’re not waiting for the right time? What if you’re waiting for certainty?

The struggle between perfection and progress doesn’t just show up in my notebooks. It’s there every time I consider my creative career, too. Is it possible to leap toward a dream without having every detail secured? And what if waiting for the “right time” is actually holding me back?

In my last reflection, I wrote about moving from a rigid structure to a freedom approach in my bullet journal. But what happens when those same lessons about control, risk, and imperfection are applied to the way I approach my creative career and life goals?

The Psychology of Playing It Safe

It’s not just in my journaling that I’ve wrestled with structure and risk. In building a life and career in a creative space like film, I often wonder: is it even possible for someone like me? Someone without connections, expendable income, or easy access to key locations like NYC, LA, or London? I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of pushing dreams back for the sake of responsibility.

I’m reminded of a ‘60 Minutes’ segment about women postponing childbirth to build stable income and careers. Their desire to be responsible parents is wise and deeply important. And there are real reasons to wait, and, of course, no one should leap into such a huge decision if it’s financially, emotionally, or physically unsafe. But what struck me was how society often frames there being a single “right” way or perfect time for everything. And how that narrative can make us afraid to ever take a step forward.

(p.s. This is not a comment on women’s reproductive choice, only an example of how I see this idea showing up in the world around me.)

The truth is there is ALSO risk in waiting.

How to Choose Progress Over Certainty

Sometimes, holding out for perfect conditions leaves more time for more problems and complications to arise. The same tension shows up with creative ambitions. I’m not condoning recklessness or ignoring real limitations, but I do want to challenge the idea that waiting for the “right” moment is always the safer or wiser choice.

What if the “safe” way is just as risky as pursuing your dreams now? Can pushing forward and taking calculated risks, even when the timing isn’t perfect, be safer in the end?

This is a delicate balance. No one can tell the future or avoid uncertainty, but questioning the rules about when and how we’re “supposed” to act can open up new possibilities.

As I wrote in my last reflection on control and fear, I feel the pressure to make responsible, cautious choices because I don’t have a safety net to fall back on. But I also wonder: what if leaping forward is exactly what leads to growth?

Although I’m still wrestling with these questions myself, I have found a few strategies that help me navigate the tension between responsible planning and taking action. If you’re facing similar doubts, here are some practical ideas that might help you move forward:

1. Start before you’re ready.

If you’re someone who finds comfort in structure (like I do), starting before you feel ready can be especially intimidating. The fear of making mistakes, or of veering off your carefully crafted plan, can make you hesitate. But the truth is, mistakes are how you discover what actually works for you. Think of your goal as a North Star, a direction, not a fixed destination. (This is a concept I stole from Ryder Carroll’s YouTube Video on setting meaningful goals.) With a perfectionist mindset, it’s easy to get caught up in striving for an ideal outcome or to interpret any misstep as a failure. But in reality, every imperfect action is a step closer.

It’s progress. And progress builds a life you actually enjoy, not perfect action.

Perfection is an illusion, and the “right time” rarely arrives. Take the next small step, even if you don’t feel fully prepared to make it.

2. Take calculated risks (the worst-case scenario is usually not that bad).

More often than not, the risks you imagine are less catastrophic than they feel in the moment. Other times, you’ll realize there are smaller, more manageable steps you can take that still move you forward. You’re likely overthinking it. When I catch myself overthinking, remember that progress doesn’t require certainty, only a willingness to try with my whole heart.

But small steps forward are much harder to take when you’re rigidly attached to a specific end result. It’s great to be ambitious, but you don’t have to plan every detail before you move. Leave some space for detours and surprises.

Interstitial journaling has really helped me here. It lets me notice where I get stuck or hesitate and spot the next small step I can take, even without a perfect plan. Sometimes, that’s all you need to keep the momentum going.

3. Build a flexible structure.

Create routines or systems that support you without boxing you in. Honestly, this has been (and continues to be) one of my toughest challenges. I love outlining a beautiful routine, but following it is another story. The routines I build tend to get restrictive and rigid fast, which can end up holding me back from real progress.

As I mentioned in my last blog post, sometimes strict structures can stifle creativity rather than help it flourish. I’m learning to design systems for myself that leave space for a little messiness and creative chaos.

What kind of scaffolding do you ACTUALLY need to move forward on what matters most? Give yourself permission to experiment, make mistakes, and pivot when things don’t go as planned.

A flexible system is key to being able to do this.

And afterward, pause to reflect. What worked? What didn’t? Use those insights to guide your next move.

Ultimately, the pursuit of the “responsible” path can lead to missed opportunities; sometimes you have to leap before all the details are in place. The balance isn’t about being reckless, but about giving yourself permission to move forward even when the path isn’t perfectly paved. If you’re waiting for everything to be certain, consider: what might you gain by starting now, imperfectly?

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The Blank Thought

Creativity has never asked us to predict the future. It asks us to be present enough to notice, and brave enough to respond. Every creative act begins the same way: Not with certainty, but with a decision to begin anyway.

— Ryn Elizabeth

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This is part of a series on letting go of perfection and embracing creative risk. The next post is coming next Monday!

If there’s one thing I’ve learned this last month, it’s that the looming fear of failure does not disappear when you find a productivity system that works. 

I always thought that once I found the perfect productivity system, it would somehow unlock a part of me, helping me start truly living my life. I imagined my life would blossom into exactly what I wanted. However, after finally breaking free from the never-ending cycles of planning and revisions, I found that my mind quickly found new ways to distract me from the important work. I was stuck in the same place, despite my efforts. 

Although escaping the productivity cycles did help, I learned there was something deeper holding me back: the fear of failure. 

Hi, I’m Ryn Elizabeth! I am a deeply reflective and emotional human learning how to create without abandoning myself. My ultimate goal? To build a life that actually fits and learn how to make space for MYSELF in my own life. 

For 2026, I’ve made a new year’s resolution to overcome my fear of failure by focusing on presence. I’ve found that when I get present, I’m more aware of who I am, who I am becoming, and who I feel called to become.

The first part of that hurdle: finding a productivity system that didn’t leave me stuck in endless perfectionism cycles. But developing a productivity system is just one step in that process. Overcoming fear is a whole different beast.  

Here are 3 Things I’m Doing to Overcome My Fear of Failure

(1) Remove what makes me feel disconnected & disassociated

For me, this starts with committing to significantly reducing my social media usage. 

I mentioned previously that though fear of failure and presence may seem unrelated, I actually think they are deeply connected. I believe escapism and disconnection from myself are part of the reason why I’ve strayed so far from that fearless little girl I used to be. 

I think one of the hardest parts about growing older and being addicted to screens is that you never achieve the life that you desire for yourself. You know you can achieve it, but it all feels hard and distant. 

That includes actions that lead to disconnected & disassociated feelings like overworking without food, water, or brain breaks.

(2) Embrace Fun and Exciting Experiences (Alone and with Others)

I’m usually someone who tends to say no unless I feel confident I can meet expectations. I tend to plan and research thoroughly until I feel absolutely ready.

However, I’ve been practicing saying yes more often, even when it feels a bit scary. I remind myself: “Is this something I genuinely want to try?” to help me distinguish whether it’s fear or simply a lack of interest holding me back.

(3) Moving from Love

I’ve been exploring the book “All About Love,” and it’s really helped me reflect on my thoughts about love and how it influences my relationship with myself and others. Turns out, love is much more nuanced than it seems.

It’s about finding a balance between honoring my own boundaries and respecting others—acknowledging each person as a being created from love. 

I write about art, psychology, and self-actualization—and what it means to live and create with clarity instead of control.

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I’ve rebuilt my productivity system more times than I can count.

Every new version promised fewer mistakes. Less chaos. A version of me who finally wouldn’t drop the ball.

But I could never achieve it. I kept falling short. 

Back in college, I spent countless hours planning, trying to discover the best course of action that would lead me to a life I could enjoy. Not just one I could tolerate. All while trying to keep up with speedy deadlines and navigating complicated social dynamics. 

I reworked my system over and over. Adding more structure, more actions, more rules, convinced that if I could just perfect it, things would finally click. 

Planning became a survival mechanism. A way to prevent mistakes and avoid failure. And I believed that once I perfected the plan, action would be easier. And I could ensure that I was taking the best course of action. 

That’s the thing that always got me: the best course of action. I was always striving to live my life the RIGHT way.

But, I always ended up in the same spot. Another year passed and I made no progress towards my goals. And as time slowly slipped away, so did the life I desired for myself. 

Now, as a marketing specialist, I’m required to work quickly and efficiently with minimal errors. And unfortunately for me, that requires a LOT of executive functioning skills, especially in such a small marketing department. The work never ends and there is always something you could be doing. Or could be doing better. 

In the beginning, my goal was to make sense of it all. I lost myself in checklists, spreadsheets, and strategy documents. Trying to keep all the best practices at the forefront, while accounting for the endless variables that come with marketing strategy. 

Then, I realized…here I was AGAIN!

So, a few months ago, I started to rethink the productivity systems I relied on. I noticed they were bloated. Full of excess actions, revisions, processes, and reviews.

Finally, I thought maybe the key to escaping the endless planning cycles was not MORE structure, but LESS. Was there a way to know what mattered in the moment, and let go of everything else?

I stripped down my system to the bare bones, only adding or making intentional changes when necessary. 

From this, I found a productivity system that actually helped me take action…at least for now. 

1. The Inbox

A blank pocket notebook

This is where everything begins.

I carry a small, cheap, blank notebook with me at the front of my agenda book (more information below). Most of the time I staple a bunch of printer paper together. 

I use it to capture…

• stray thoughts
• new actions and tasks
• ideas that arrive at inconvenient times
• notes from conversations, books, or meetings
• emotional reactions or realizations I don’t want to forget
• sketches, diagrams, half-formed concepts, etc.

It’s small, cheap, and blank. These qualities give the notebook a sense of freedom, making it easier to just start. So, I don’t hesitate worrying about wasting space or how I will layout the page. I just write things down.

This notebook’s only job is capture, not organization. Nothing lives here permanently. And, some things never make it out of the inbox because they’re made to die. 

2. The Agenda Book

A small A6 weekly + monthly planner (2026 timeline)

This is my time management system.

I switched to a tiny A6 agenda for portability. But, as I used it, I discovered that it forces me to confront time realistically. Big planners let me pretend I have more time than I do. Or let me fit as many tasks as I want into the spaces. But in this small agenda, time feels tangible and limited. This limited space for planning allows me to account for my time blindness. 

The one I have (MARK’STYLE A6 Weekly Vertical Planner 16 Months) is from Amazon. But here’s another one that I’ve seen other people use:

• 2026 Weekly Planner Poche A6 | my paper planner system for daily life

What I like about this format:

• Weekly and monthly views with extra side space for tasks
• A timetable that runs 7am–10pm, Monday–Sunday for room to plan personal time, not just “productive” time
• Notes section at the back for less dynamic notes like my “someday / maybe” & “recurring actions” lists

Seeing my entire life, not just my work life, on one spread changed how I see time. My time for rest, relationships, and creativity are just as limited as my professional work time. Therefore, they can be scheduled with the same intention.

3. The Lists

A GTD-style working notebook

This is my task management system. 

I used keep another blank notebook at the back of my agenda book and use certain formats to organize these lists. I’ve since moved this into my bullet journal (see below).

Since my agenda book was quite small, I needed to use abbreviated tasks in the weeklies. At the end of the week, I had trouble understanding the task that I needed to do at the moment. I spent time reviewing previous notes trying to figure out what “past Ryn” was trying to say. 

So, I added these organized lists. They allow me to keep some context to complete my tasks without losing that small, portable time table.

I use loose GTD-style formats like:

• Project lists
• Next actions
• Waiting on
• Agendas

Any recurring checklists, resources for ongoing commitments, and big project notes are kept digitally in G-Drive. **CTA: projects system (link coming soon)** 

As I use this system, I’m finding that I need a new page every week…because these pages get messy. The lists evolve quickly. Tasks get crossed out, rewritten, circled, etc. So a fresh page weekly helps me to be able to quickly scan for what’s important.

4. The Journal

Reviews & records

This notebook is where the productivity system becomes reflective instead of reactive. 

I dump any meaningful notes from my inbox notebook into here, especially feelings or insights that point toward the life I’m trying to build. The journal is also where I complete my life reviews. Keeping it in the same place allows me to easily review what came up that week to help me better align with the life I want.

A productivity system without an emotional aspect is detrimental. I can often forget how much my emotions impact my ability to be productive. I use it to:

• record key events
• name emotional patterns
• note moments of alignment or resistance
• extract lessons I don’t want to relearn the hard way

Once a week, I do a review. I reflect on 3 things: 

• What worked? 
• What needs improvement? 
• How to improve? 

I got this method from another blog post [insert link]. 

**My weekly review process (link coming soon)

5. The Zettelkasten

Intellectual conversations and discoveries.

This part of the system is still evolving.

I’m experimenting with a Zettelkasten-style practice for ideas—writing small, self-contained thoughts and letting them talk to each other over time.

What’s interesting is that my pocket inbox notebook happens to be the same size as my notecards, which makes integration easier than I expected. Ideas can move fluidly from capture → reflection → connection.

I don’t force this. Some weeks I engage deeply; other weeks I don’t touch it at all. This space is for thinking, not output pressure.

6. The Sketchbook

Messy art for self-expression

This is the least “productive” part of my productivity system, and totally not necessary.

I use a sketchbook to:

• expand sketches from my pocket notebook
• paint or draw without a goal
• move emotion through my body instead of through lists

This kind of creation regulates me. It quiets the part of my brain that thinks everything needs to be useful.

This whole productivity system exists to:

• reduce cognitive load
• help me know what matters in the moment
• support intentional, aligned action each week
• give me places to put things so they stop living in my head
• and most of all get out of planning cycles 

I still miss things. I still fail. I still rebuild parts of it when my life changes.

But now, I’m no longer planning to avoid failure.

Planning for clarity changed how I move through my weeks. I’m still learning (and writing) my way through it.

This isn’t a finished system. It’s a living one.

I write about art, psychology, and self-actualization—and what it means to live and create with clarity instead of control.

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Perfectionism has ruined my life. 

Don’t get me wrong. Perfectionism has its helpful moments. But, most of the time, I’m left with crippling fear of failure, spinning in cycles of organization and productivity, trying to account for every variable that could go wrong. 

In the end, I’m left frustrated and depleted, wondering what my life would have been like if I had stopped planning how to live and actually started living. 

In 2026, I’m fighting it.

Of course, it’s one thing to say I’m going to break this habit. It’s another entirely to take effective action towards it. 

In fact, I’ve been trying to break this habit for years now. But, I keep getting stuck right back in the same spot: endless cycles of planning and plan revisions. 

What then? 

How do you cultivate freedom from these fears and fear responses? How do you figure out what you need? How do you pursue a life you desire when you barely know who you are? When you barely know what you like? 

Thinking back, it was hard to remember a time when I didn’t feel hindered by this fear. It’s been a long time since the looming fear of failure started haunting my life. 

In college, I pursued a scientific career over a creative one because I feared I couldn’t be successful. I dated someone because I was scared I wouldn’t find anyone else. In high school, I stuck to my comfortable inner circle of friends. Any time I stepped outside my comfort-zone, it was due to direct influence from my friends. Even sitting alone in public was anxiety-inducing. I feared any 1-1 social interactions, thinking they would make my social inadequacies shine, leading to rejection and isolation. 

But, elementary school is the first time I remember not caring about failing. 

In eighth grade, I got up on stage with basically no guitar skills and barely any practice for a talent show. I left the stage completely confident (In hindsight, I’m almost 98.5% sure that I bombed that performance).

One day, I was a part of a student panel for prospective parents. Just imagine this tiny 13-year-old black girl, always reaching for the mic and chatting up a storm in front of 30+ strangers about how shy I was before attending that school.

I was even the lead role in our school musical, Once Upon A Mattress. The main character, if you don’t know, is this quirky and bold princess, and her first song on stage is her belting about how “shy” they are (strangely fitting).

Failure never even crossed my mind. It wasn’t until high school, when I began to notice the social rules that my neurodivergent brain had a hard time comprehending, that I started to shrink to fit the mold others desired of me.

So, after all that, how do I plan to overcome my fear of failure?

By focusing on presence. 

They may seem unrelated, but I actually think they are deeply connected. 

I believe escapism and disconnection are part of the reason why I’ve strayed so far from that fearless little 8th grader. 

Presence is the only way that we can open our eyes to who we are, who we are becoming, and who we feel called to become. 

(1)Detoxing Social Media for a Clearer Mind

Presence starts with the main source of “escapism dopamine”: social media.

As such, I have started my 2026 year with a social media detox. This 21-day fast sprang from a desire to connect with God, guided by my church, but I plan to continue long after the fast is complete.

And so far…

It’s been really REALLY boring. 

My brain is no longer flooded with low-quality dopamine from scrolling through social media and YouTube. But I still find my brain craving stimulation, especially when in stillness (I.e., on the train, falling asleep, etc.).

Funny enough, it was this boredom that led to anxiety relief and clarity. I can feel my body shift through emotions more clearly. I can feel the anxiety that comes when I start overplanning. The emotional resistance to work when my brain is tired. The pride that came when I accomplished a small win. How easily sleep comes at night. 

*How I did my detox* (link coming soon) 

(2)Crushing Perfectionism with a New Productivity System

Since I procrastinated with planning and organizing, my productivity system needed a complete overhaul. 

Productivity is like a dopamine hit to me. I often get stuck in cycles of perfectionism, especially around my plans. How can I know what to do next or what is important if I don’t have the complete picture? If I can’t account for all the variables? If I don’t have the perfect plan to keep me from failing? 

The real question was how to minimize planning while still maintaining clarity, accounting for my time blindness and terrible recall. How can I promote action without getting stuck in cycles of organizing and planning revisions? To give myself space to reflect and choose my path, free from the pressure of perfectionism overshadowing every decision.

This took a lot of trial and error. Luckily, I started working as a marketing specialist. My position required me to move quickly, be strategically efficient, and make minimal errors. Being a marketing specialist pushed my productivity system to the limit for the first time, and it helped me to see how bloated it really was.

My new productivity system

(3) Doing Scary Things Alone

During my social media detox, I had the opportunity to spend some time alone with myself. I went to a restaurant in the city at night…alone! I know, terrifying. 

Even walking the busy city streets felt anxiety-provoking. It made me realize that I needed to do more things alone, even if they scared me. I needed to practice walking myself through that anxiety. 

I don’t know how I’m going to implement this into my life yet. But I’m excited for what might come from it. 

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