Control is comforting. Until it quietly becomes a cage.
What if control isn’t the opposite of chaos…but the opposite of trust?
Ultimately, the end goal of productivity is important, and it’s not productivity for its own sake. Its purpose, at least in my life, is to cultivate space for the beautiful things that make me feel more connected to life, in tune with myself, and connecting with others. It’s about aligning my actions with who I desire to be. Not to be productive for productivity’s sake.
But how is this achieved when I can be so inconsistent? (Thanks ADHD!) From my experience, it’s a balance. Of the chaotic & the organized. The novel & mundane. The desired & the necessary.
We Learn That Control Keeps Us Safe
It annoys me to start with structure with everything, including this article. Structure has always provided a safety net. ‘If I do it the right way, how can I fail? It doesn’t say anything about me if I do, but the structure.’ Yet, that same structure keeps me stuck. I’ve spent time researching & planning out the RIGHT way to do things. Only to end up no closer & sometimes further away from my goal. I seek out structure as a sense of control.
control = safety
But sometimes it’s limiting & a hindrance.
I’ve been learning about this idea of ‘creative destruction’ (Sharma, R. (2024). What went wrong with capitalism) in relation to economic success. Here’s my rough explanation of ‘creative destruction’: The idea speaks to the creative chaos that weeds out weaker businesses unable to adapt to the changing economic environment, allowing the strongest entities to grow. However, when governing agencies seek stability and are nervous about tipping the scales too far, they use methods to control it. But when you seek to control creative destruction, the balance is thrown off & the system falls apart completely. And the scales can tip towards the direction they are avoiding.
Structure is like that for me. A method of control that only leads me closer to the outcome I’m avoiding. But if that’s the case, can I let chaos ensue? How can I give creativity the freedom it needs? I think I’m still figuring that out. But I think it starts with giving chaos its space.
Things that have helped me …
1. Messy Bullet Journal
My journaling process has gone through a transformation over time. In the beginning, I relied heavily on organization and rigid structure, especially using the bullet journal method. I thought that having everything mapped out in neat with specific layouts would force me to do the things I wanted and needed to do. It gave me a sense of control and safety, but it was also limiting.
So, I experimented with other organization systems, trying on different levels of structure, only to find that many of them didn’t actually serve me.
When I started removing overly specific layouts and letting go of the pressure to make everything perfect, I discovered more freedom in my journaling. I gave myself permission to get messy, to cross things out, to make mistakes, and to adapt my system as I went.
This period of creative experimentation helped me realize what worked and what didn’t. After stepping away from the bullet journal for a month or so, I returned with a new perspective. I no longer needed it to be super neat or to correct every minor mistake. Instead, my journaling became a tool, not just a detailed display off all the things I have yet to accomplish.
2. Just starting
My journey with Zettelkasten mirrored my earlier struggles with journaling. At first, I obsessed over getting the system RIGHT. Reading guides, watching tutorials, and worrying that I’d ruin it before I even began. The fear of messing up or not being perfectly organized made me hesitate for a long time.
But just starting and taking that first imperfect step, that was what finally helped me get over that initial hurdle. Eventually, I realized that waiting for perfection was holding me back. I allowed myself to start simple, embracing the idea that it didn’t have to be flawless from the beginning. As I gave myself permission to experiment and make mistakes, the process became more approachable and enjoyable. I could see which methods worked for me and which didn’t, adapting the system to fit my needs over time rather than forcing myself into a rigid mold.
Of course, just starting is often easier said than done. Interstitial journaling (a new favorite method of mine) has helped me lean into the process of just starting by mindfully capturing the barriers to starting and deciding the next small step. That, along with a simple to-do list, has done wonders to overcome hesitation and keep moving forward, even when motivation or confidence wavers.
3. Leave the structure behind
Yes, leave the structure behind. Sometimes, the most freeing and productive work comes from letting go of the need to organize everything before beginning.
This article is a great example: I started with pure freewriting. I just let my thoughts flow onto the page without worrying about how it would fit into a final structure. Only after I had something tangible did I go back and shape it into something more organized. By reversing the order (starting with creative chaos and then imposing structure), I found it much easier to begin and to keep momentum.
That said, my process isn’t always the same. Sometimes, I need a bit more scaffolding or a loose outline to get the creative juices flowing. Other times, I benefit from abandoning structure completely and seeing where my thoughts take me. But I often find, as someone who has frequently clung to structure to avoid making mistakes, that abandoning it is the best way to get started.
The key is being flexible and allowing myself to adapt my approach as needed, rather than rigidly sticking to one way of doing things.
Control Is Helpful…Until It Isn’t
Sometimes progress and creativity happen when you let go of the need to do things “the right way.”
These small acts of letting go, of structure, control, and the need to be perfect, have made a difference in my journaling. But what about the bigger things? What about building a creative career when so much feels out of my control? I find myself asking: is waiting for the perfect moment really the most responsible thing, or is it just another way to let fear call the shots? That’s what I explored in the first part of this series.
The Blank Thought
We spend a lot of time asking, “How do I become more disciplined?” I wonder if a better question is: How can I build systems that help me trust myself instead of control myself?
— Ryn Elizabeth
This is part of a series on letting go of perfection and embracing creative risk. Start from the beginning here.
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